Published February 2, 2012, in MSUM’s, The Advocate
Women are stupid (so are men, but stay with me here). We fall prey to falling in love or like with guys who are a far cry from what we ever anticipated caring about someone would be like. Many of us treat them like we’re their No. 1 fan, scrounging for any scraps of attention we can find. We conjure up excuses for their demeaning behavior toward us so we can continue living in denial.
There is no ideal relationship between humans, but let’s not set ourselves up for torture. Settling has never done anyone any good.
So, let’s go over some rather problematic character types. If you like one of these dandies, this may be a good indicator that your knight in shining armor is only a really bad actor on his high horse.
The Jack of All Trades
He is a confident, knowledgeable and seemingly well-rounded individual who could charm a snake, your dad and your Aunt Mildred. He has manners when he finds it necessary to impress. He is a hybrid – a manly man, yet he has a sense of fashion and finesse not usually found in a straight male. Above all, he is a quick learner and a phenomenal speaker and will manage to sneak his way into your heart at a dangerously rapid rate.
If he seems too good to be true, he probably is.
These boys are a delight in the first few weeks or months of their initial interest in you, but they typically turn into self-absorbed, pretentious pieces of work after their goal of swooning you is complete. Don’t ever expect to change his mind about anything, for he is self-reliant and has already decided his opinion on, well, everything. The maturity, thoughtfulness and rationality that once attracted you to him have been replaced with a hot-tempered baby, unable to see past his own selfish desires.
The Lazy Taker
He’s adorable and endearing, humble and hilarious. He is sweet and can be a little (if not really) awkward at times. Though he seems confident enough to poke fun at himself and is humble as pie, he is too shy or indecisive to ask you to even just hang out. You bend your own womanly pride a wee bit and decide to take things into your own hands by setting up plans to see each other time and again. You think, “Ohhh, he’s just too shy to do it himself.”
Well, yes, that is probably very true, and after awhile, he may put forth potential plans of his own. After all, he loves getting the attention and probably likes you, too, to a point.
Congrats! You’re making progress!
However, this could lead down many paths. He’ll either turn into a confident man who begins to put forth a bit more effort to show his interest, or you will be strung along for months of thinking he likes you, though you have to do all the work yourself.
Every once in a blue moon, The Lazy Taker can surprise you by turning into a wonderful companion, but for the most part, they’ll get used to you doing all the work to start and maintain any sort of relationship.
The Guilt Giver
This description may not be what you’re expecting for the man I am about to describe. The Guilt Giver is thoughtful, fun and wants to spend time with you, so what’s the problem?
You’re not attracted to him in the least.
You know you should be, but you aren’t. Everyone, including him, wants you to be interested in a relationship, but you aren’t. What’s wrong with you? Finally, a nice guy who actually likes you, and you can’t seem to give him a chance.
Well, two things could happen with this man. You will either
A: Eventually find him irresistible, wondering how you ever thought him otherwise, or
B: You will never find him attractive in that special way and you will probably continue to feel the weight of guilt whenever you’re around him.
Unfortunately, being blunt and telling him kindly that you can’t think of him in those terms may spark his challenge-seeking, male spirit, forcing him to try harder. Or, it will turn him into a temporarily bitter boy, brooding, hurt by your lack of mutual admiration. Being honest is a risky business, but it’s better than leading them on.
WARNING: Guilt-Givers sometimes live double lives. They are naturally attracted to you because you do act so like your usual self around them. Since you initially aren’t crushing on them, you treat them as you would any friend (if only you could act this way around people you actually are attracted to). Oftentimes these boys are stringing another girl along in case their hope of being with you is truly unobtainable.
Since finding a special someone typically warrants many bumps, bruises and breaks, don’t beat yourself up even more by settling on someone who doesn’t hold you in as high regard as you do them. Having self-respect along with respecting others is imperative to developing any kind of close bond.
BY MEGHAN FEIR