There’s a rumor floating about. In fact, most people deem it as common knowledge. “Nice” girls and guys around the globe are getting friend-zoned, one after another. It’s like an epidemic, or something. I’ve had so many friends of mine complain about people friend-zoning them because they’re just too dang “nice.”
Life can be tough. Just as I really, super needed a Tamagotchi Pet when I was seven because everyone who was anyone had one, it can be hard not to obsess over wanting a relationship.
Although everyone seems to have someone, not everyone is like everyone, and someone who isn’t like everyone won’t always have someone special when absolutely everyone seems to have someone, if anyone knows what I mean.
In what dimension did you learn that by being nice, you will attract the masses to your front door, potential mates beating it down, begging for a date?
The truth of the matter is this: Being nice is one of the many attributes that people find attractive. It’s not the only thing people are looking for in a partner. Having things in common, like religion, politics, thoughts on when children should be allowed (if ever) to start drinking pop, and other unique character qualities are part of the deal, too. Actually being attracted to the person physically also plays a large role.
To illustrate my point, I’ve made up the following scenarios:
Simon is a nice guy. He took care of his friend’s dog once, generally has nice things to say to people and loves his mother. He’s also a raging alcoholic, doesn’t have anything in common with me, besides liking reruns of “Murder, She Wrote,” and I’m not attracted to him, but he’s nice, so I should date him, right?
Parker goes to church, like me, doesn’t condone drugs and loves his friends and family. He’s a pretty nice guy, and I know it. I’m still not attracted to him, but he’s nice, so I should date him, RIGHT?!
I’m a bubbly female who has volunteered for good causes a handful of times. I’ve even been called nice, from time to time, by people who should know. Why am I single? I can tell you this: It’s not because I’m considered “nice.” You won’t see me boo-hooing all over town with a snot-filled hankie, puzzling over how I’m still a party of one.
It can be easy to think you deserve prizes for your good behavior (i.e. a girlfriend or boyfriend). Dogs get treats when they sit and roll over, so you should easily obtain a relationship when you’re a good boy. You got a star by your name when you behaved in daycare, making you one step closer toward getting a reward.
Well, guess what; love doesn’t work that way. Just because you treat someone rather well, you can’t expect everyone to be interested in you. In the meantime, prior to finding someone you should actually be with, ask God for patience and continue to better yourself.
Don’t be nice for what you’ll get in return. Be kind, thoughtful and caring because of your love for others and your desire to help people out. Stop pinning a rose on your own nose for not being a mass murderer or a meth addict.
Whenever you do find someone, your proverbial “other half,” you may look back on your times of singledom and realize you had a lot to learn before meeting your mate. Usually, the people who think they’re the nicest are idiots. Don’t put yourself on such a pedestal, and you may learn a thing or two (or 12).
By all means, continue being nice. Be thoughtful. Be kind. Be loving. Be compassionate. Be empathetic. Be all of those things, but realize that not everyone you want to fall in love with you will, even if you treat them well. View these character qualities you’ve practiced for years as good preparation for when you really do meet the love of your life.